My Friend in HR

Episode 7: I QUIT!

• Njsane Courtney, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

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Are you considering bidding farewell to your employer?

Well,  before you hand in your resignation, tune in to this episode for essential advice and considerations. In this episode, "I QUIT!," we delve into the pivotal decision of leaving your current job. Whether you're working in a toxic environment, been overlooked for a promotion, or contemplating a separation package, we discuss the crucial factors you should ponder before making the big decision.

Here, we provide you with the information you need to make the best decision for you, your family, and your career.

Speaker 1:

This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and should not be considered formal legal advice. Please note that the policies of your company and laws in your country may vary. Also, the views expressed by the host or his guests do not necessarily reflect the views of any other company or entity.

Speaker 2:

Welcome everyone to the my Friend in HR podcast, your inside look at the elusive world of human resources and the inner workings of the corporate jungle. I'm your friend, jasani Courtney, and I will serve as your guide as we embark on the journey toward actual career fulfillment. Today we'll be chatting about when it's time to call it quits at your current employer and look for greener pastures. Specifically, we're going to discuss a few scenarios that you might be experiencing right now and chat about when it might be time to call it quits. The first scenario we're going to talk about, and probably the most important, is when you feel that you're in a toxic environment or you think your mental health is at risk. So first let's discuss how you know if your mental health is at risk or if you're working in a toxic environment. But first I want to be clear about what these environments are not. This isn't about you having a few bad days or you not getting what you think you deserve at the office. This isn't about you and the lady who works at the front desk not liking each other. It's also not about you not getting the desk by the window you wanted. When we talk about a toxic environment, we're talking about some pretty serious systemic issues at your office, and when we mention concerns about your mental health, it is about an overall environment that literally drains who you are as a person, and your ability to maintain your authentic, unique self is under threat through that environment at work. Examples of these situations could include a culture of fear where mistakes are heavily penalized, almost to the point where it drives you to paranoia in every single transaction you make. Diving deeper into what issues could impact your mental health, there are a number of things that can fall into this category, such as a lack of boundaries around work.

Speaker 2:

For many professionals, it's difficult to have clear lines of delineation between your work life and your personal life, especially here in the United States, where working long days is still seen as a badge of honor. To make matters worse, in the world of hybrid working, there are many of us who are now working both at home and at the office where these lines are even further blurred. Studies have shown that our daily commute can serve as a clear, natural delineation between our home life and our professional one. So when you leave your home in the morning and kiss your partner and your kids goodbye for the day, this mentally prepares you to leave your personal life behind and begin to transition to the work that lies ahead for you at the office. It's the same thing when you return home from your commute, when you hop into your vehicle or on the tube for my friends in the UK.

Speaker 2:

For many of us, our brains begin to wind down on work stuff and begin to focus on our home life obligations. In the world of remote work and hybrid work, these schedules have often overlapped and become even more disjointed. Answering Teams calls and text messages at all hours of the night has become even more disjointed. Answering teams calls and text messages at all hours of the night has become even more commonplace than before the pandemic. Don't get me wrong the occasional long day here and there to finish a major project or initiative isn't a problem. However, if this is the norm and this is the expectation of your manager and your company, this could be a major red flag.

Speaker 2:

We know that there are obvious health reasons why you need to have boundaries between your work life and your personal life, but when it gets to the point that your work life becomes 80 to 90% of who you are as a person, that is a major issue, regardless of what your title is. Now, I'm a huge advocate of the saying to whom much is given, much is expected, meaning that the higher up you're on the food chain, the more that is expected of you. After all, if you're a VP and you get paid like a VP, not every day gets to end at 5 pm. However, everything needs its limits To make the situation even more of a travesty. I have seen environments where the senior leader has the ability to disconnect themselves at 5 pm and go to their kid's soccer game or ballet or piano recital, but those that he manages work ungodly hours. Here's what's funny or tragic, depending on how you want to look at it. Many times in these scenarios, the manager's staff is terrified at the prospect of even calling or emailing that leader during that manager's time off, under penalty of death. However, that same manager has absolutely no concern about calling their workers, who make less than half of what they make, and consistently give them last-minute projects, or asking to work late over the weekend. Again, I want to be clear there are situations where there's a critical task and it requires additional hours at the office, and keep in mind that many of our listeners work outside the United States and many of our listeners work outside the United States, and so, for managers who manage international teams, you need to be aware that some countries literally have laws to prevent employers from contacting workers during off hours or weekends, and there are strict penalties for employees who violate these statutes. Simply put, we Americans are just workaholics.

Speaker 2:

Another situation that may be impacting your mental health is when management or even just other co-workers, simply don't trust each other. How do you know you're in a scenario like this? Is it normal for folks to copy half the company on every single email? Is CYA or covering your ass the norm? If there is a mistake, does senior management immediately look for someone to blame versus focusing on the resolution first, or is there absolutely no leeway for making a mistake? In environments such as this, this can be mentally exhausting every single day. Look, we're all imperfect human beings, so it's not a question of if we're going to make a mistake. It's a question of when we're going to make a mistake, but that consistent level of walking on eggshells every single day is flat out unsustainable.

Speaker 2:

However, one of the most common assaults on our mental health and contributes to a toxic environment is workplace bullying from co-workers or even supervisors. If you're always the butt of jokes of others, or it's the norm for leaders to send you irate emails, or, either through actions or even passive-aggressive behaviors, someone attempts to demean or belittle you. These are examples of workplace bullying. When it comes to being bullied at the office, it is 10 times worse when the offender is in a management position. Our managers and supervisors have a great deal of influence on the quality of our work lives, and if they're the ones doing the bullying, it makes the situation that much more severe. They can use their managerial powers for good or for harm, and while it is not illegal for a manager to be a jerk, it is illegal in most countries for them to bully and demean you. At the end of the day, no one deserves to be disrespected. No one deserves to be talked to like a child, although some of our co-workers do act like nine-year-olds.

Speaker 2:

Life is way too short to be dealing with managers and co-workers who attack your character and attack your integrity and try to kidnap your well-being. And again I want to be clear I'm not talking about having a single argument with your boss and then things are just a little weird for a few days. I'm not talking about you being mad because someone stole your tuna fish sandwich out of the refrigerator, out of the company break room, but if you feel like you're being bullied and harassed at the office and there's no resolution in sight after talking through these issues with your chain of command or your HR department, then it's time to start looking. In scenario two, I want to talk about stagnation of professional growth. For those of you who are truly seeking career fulfillment and not just another paycheck, you should always be striving to evolve as a professional. This is done by actually having development plans established with your immediate supervisor and at least one time a year, you too should be having a discussion about your goals and how you'd like to be developed over that year. Now, I recognize in a lot of companies, managers may not naturally do this, but remember in this podcast, we're going to be victors and not victims. If your manager does not have these development discussions with you, then you should initiate them yourself.

Speaker 2:

In one of my earlier podcasts, I mentioned that no one and I mean no one will care about your career more than you will, and that you need to be your own career manager. However, with that being said, one piece of advice do not go to your manager with unreasonable requests or even ultimatums. This doesn't usually go well. However, you do need to ensure that your professional skills not be at the same level this time next year. I plan to have an episode completely dedicated to help you structure what these types of conversations should look like, but let me give you a few tips in the meantime.

Speaker 2:

First, be realistic. You may not always be able to fly off to a professional conference. You may not always be able to sign up for that $5,000 certification course. You do need to be open to on-the-job opportunities if that's what's available Now. Your options will vary greatly depending on your company and the budget that your manager has to work with. But do not let your manager say that because they don't have the budget, that be the end of your development conversation. So let's take an example. Let's say that you need to have more experience managing a budget. Perhaps you should ask your manager to let you partner with them when they develop the budget for the department next year. You could also ask to shadow a colleague. Now keep in mind that you and your supervisor will have to figure out a way to balance your current workload. However, if you're flexible, this can usually be done.

Speaker 2:

When you approach your manager about potential development opportunities, you need to be realistic about timeframes. If you know for a fact that your manager is not giving one shadow thought about your development, going in there saying that next week you'd like to shadow Claire in accounting, your manager's probably not gonna be prepared to follow up with that in that specific moment. However, if you go to your manager now and say, in 2025, I'd like to get more involved in more of the advanced accounting activities, and I think shadowing Clara for an hour or two a week would be a good step in this direction you have not only given them some scope in terms of what you're asking for, but you're giving them time to plan on how they'll deal with your workload. Does that make sense? One final comment on this scenario I'd like to make is that if your manager allows you to have access to on-the-job opportunities, you should not always be expecting to be compensated or receive a pay raise for completing this training. Remember there is value to getting experience and learning new skills, and sometimes those new skills and opportunities are lateral moves and not vertical, and as you are considering what your development plans are looking like, you should keep that in mind. Now, let's say you've tried all these techniques and you've been unsuccessful, and your manager shows absolutely no intention of allowing you to develop yourself and increase your skill set, and this has occurred over a number of years Then in this case I think you have a decision to make. But remember, regardless of where you work, you should always be evolving, you should always be learning, you should always be learning, you should always be cultivating new ways to be a more valuable asset to your organization, and if you can't get that from your current employer, then maybe it's time to seek out one who will.

Speaker 2:

Scenario three talks about missed promotions. So when I was in the Army, it was always known that an officer could only get passed over for a promotion so many times before being discouraged to hang up his or her boots. In the private sector, things are not as straightforward. It is highly discouraging getting passed over for a promotion. That actually has happened to me personally. I interviewed for a role at my company as an HR manager and I was passed over for what I felt like was a really silly reason. To be honest, I was really devastated, so much to the point where I literally had to take a couple of days off the process and decide what my next steps would be. In my case, I did eventually decide to leave that organization, but, just like any other relationship, when you've invested years of your life into it, it can be hard to see any other path forward other than to endure the current situation. In my case, I had already invested seven years and had literally worked in every department that this new HR position would oversee. In the end, I simply couldn't reconcile the decision that had been made, so I eventually decided to leave that organization. I did this before I became a fully disgruntled and cynical employee, as this would not have helped my situation.

Speaker 2:

If you're passed over for a promotion, you do need to look at the situation in its totality before making a hasty decision and up and quit your job. My first piece of advice is do not make the decision then and there, when it happens. Very rarely is it good to make a decision while your emotions are running high. However, if you tend to feel the same way after a few weeks and you can't help but have a different opinion of the company, then you need to decide whether or not that organization is still the place for you. However, before you type up that letter of resignation, consider a few things. First off, did they give you specific reasons about why you weren't selected? If so, make sure you ask them to elaborate. If you were indeed missing a couple of skills, is the company willing to put you in a position to eventually gain that experience so that next time a similar opportunity is available, you will be in a better position to obtain that opportunity? If so and they say yes, that we're willing to invest then you might not want to be too hasty in your decision making, even if you disagree with their assessment of your credentials. Whether or not the company is willing to invest in your development says a great deal about where you currently work.

Speaker 2:

Now I want to talk about the other side of the coin, and what I'm talking about is a situation where there's an opening in the department and the employee just naturally expects the manager to come tap them on the shoulder and give them a promotion on the silver platter. Yeah, yeah, I know you've been in that department for 10 years and yeah, I know you've helped train most of the team that's in place. But again here, my friend in HR, we're going to be victors, not victims. We are not going to leave things to chance. We are not going to assume that our manager knows all of the awesome things that we've done for them to make him and this department successful. If there's an opportunity within your department or company that becomes available, apply. Apply and for all that is good in this world, apply. Do not passively wait, cross your arms and just say, well, if they don't pick me, then I'm out of here.

Speaker 2:

I've seen so many scenarios where an employee didn't get a promotion that they felt they deserved, but they didn't even make it known that they were interested in the opportunity. Along those same lines, when an employee states how upset they are about how things turned out, a lot of times managers are shocked to know that the employee was even interested in the role. However, if you listen to my friend in HR and you've taken your career into your own hands and you've had these career discussions that I repeat over and over again, then your manager will already know that you had greater aspirations and may have considered you for the opportunity. I, for one, am going to be clear about my career goals, so we're going to take the not knowing out of the equation If you made it clear that you want to move up in the organization and you're consistently passed over. This may be an indication that your manager and your company does not see your skills the same way you do, and in this case, it might be time to move on.

Speaker 2:

Scenario four involves being on a list. What do I mean about being on a list? I'm going to be honest with some of you and some HR professionals are going to be really upset. Most managers have a list. This list may or may not be written down, god, for legal reasons, I hope it's not written down, but this is a list you don't want to be part of. This is a list that includes folks that, if push comes to shove, may be on the chopping block. Now, be aware that this list does not necessarily mean that you're a bad performer. It just may mean that you're not as strong of a performer as someone else, and so if tough decisions have to be made, there is always a pecking order.

Speaker 2:

As we saw during the pandemic, a number of companies had to perform layoffs. I know of several scenarios where companies approached employees about taking early retirement packages or enhanced severance arrangements to avoid having large-scale layoffs. Now let me be clear. If your company approaches you about taking an early package. Take it, there is nothing to think about, there is nothing to evaluate. I know earlier I said take time to think about it, but in this scenario there's nothing to consider. Now you may be asking yourself well, drasani, what if I don't want to leave? I think I have at least 10 years left of me at this company.

Speaker 2:

My response to that is if a company is approaching you about paying you to leave the company, then at that point it's only a matter of time and, trust me, the next time the company approaches you, the discussion and the terms may not be nearly as generous. So if this happens to you, you need to immediately switch your mind and see the scenario as a business transaction. Take your ego, take your pride out of it. For my listeners outside the United States, especially those in Europe, some of you may be completely aghast by hearing such a thing can actually happen. And to that point, what can I say? U-s-a, u-s-a.

Speaker 2:

Finally, I do want to talk about compensation, and I intentionally left compensation last because, honestly, with every statistic that's out there, most employees do not leave their employer because of money. Most employees leave their employer due to poor relationship with their boss, horrible working conditions or maybe a major change in their life situation. I want to start this discussion off by saying that almost every employee feels like that. They don't make as much as their peers. But before you turn in your two-week notice because you feel like you're not getting as paid as much as the person in the cubicle next to you, there are a number of things you need to take into account before making your final choice.

Speaker 2:

If you work for a pay-for-performance type of company where your annual increase is based on your annual performance reviews, remember that companies tend to reward their stronger performers more than those who receive lower evaluation scores. So, numerically, what does this mean? So let's take an example that if you and a colleague both started working at the exact same time, making $50,000 a year, and that employee received a 5% increase every year because of their stronger performance reviews, while you received a 3% increase reviews. While you received a 3% increase After only five years, their new salary would be just shy of $64,000, while yours would be around $58,000. Those performance scores matter. While I recognize that you typically wouldn't have access to your co-worker performance reviews, my point is is there actually may be reasons why your salaries may be different. That doesn't mean you have to agree with it, but understanding how we potentially got here is important, as the scenario I just painted is a bit different than just thinking that your organization has an unfair pay practice.

Speaker 2:

Many times, when employees feel like they're being underpaid, they like to go online and research salary data. There's a lot of websites out there that will give you what I like to call interesting pay figures. Some of these websites include salarycom, payscalecom and even indeedcom. While these web pages can be a great starting point for your evaluation, in my opinion, over the years, many of these sites have overgeneralized market data, which tends to skew a little bit higher on the extreme side. Please note that while I'm giving this advice, I do recognize that I might be a bit biased as an HR professional.

Speaker 2:

If, in fact, you do feel like you're being underpaid for what you do, just like any other issue you deal with at your work life, it comes down to having a mature discussion about your pay with your supervisor. Let's start with the do-nots. Do not ever start with an ultimatum of demands. Second, if you choose to use data you obtain online, do not treat it as the gospel. Instead, use it as a starting point to get an understanding of what the market may pay for your role in your geography and, yes, the city in which you perform your job does matter Chances are an IT person in a small rural town will not make the same as someone who does the exact same job in a large metro area. Instead, approach the topic with your manager in a mature fashion, based on facts and what you feel is your value to the organization. This is especially true in situations where a company have merged two jobs into one and you're essentially doing the work of two people.

Speaker 2:

Here's an example of how a conversation such as this could go. Hey, todd, I wanted to speak with you for a moment regarding a sensitive topic. Now, what I did there was I didn't come out of the gate saying it was about my salary. By referring to the issue as a sensitive topic, you're letting your manager know that this is a personal issue for you and it needs their attention. Also, I didn't start it off by talking about money, so they didn't immediately need to raise their guard. Once you're in the office and the doors close, you begin again by saying the sensitive topic is regard to my pay. Now you've done it. You've let them know what the topic is and their defenses may go up a bit, but this is how you can immediately disarm them again. I really enjoy working for the team and we have a great group of colleagues and I think I've learned a lot. See what I did there.

Speaker 2:

In this situation, we're trying to attract more flies with honey than vinegar. It was really difficult when we let Linda go last summer. She was an important member of the team, as you recall. In order to continue to meet client needs, we decided to roll in many aspects of her job into my role, which was already pretty demanding. We initially said that this was going to be a temporary measure. However, now that we're a year into this, this seems more permanent and temporary. So now we have laid the basis for why we feel like our salary needs to be looked at. We've highlighted the value that your former coworker provided to the organization, as well as highlighted that you have a pretty demanding job already.

Speaker 2:

By stating a scenario like this, you're framing up that you are now performing two vital roles for the company. The good news is that I feel like I've learned a lot and it's good to know that, through the agility of our team, we're still able to provide quality service to our customers without skipping a beat. But, as I said, we're now a year into this and I'm wondering if this arrangement is now meant to be more permanent than temporary. Now, what we did was we put the ball in our manager's court, because now they either have to acknowledge that this job is now essentially two jobs in one, or if this is going to be just a permanent or temporary situation. If the manager confirms that this will probably be the way it's going to operate for a while, then this opens the door to discuss your salary. If they acknowledge this, then you can continue the conversation in this manner. Well, it's good to know the path that we'll pursue. If that's the case, I'd like to discuss whether there's an opportunity to increase my salary to take into account this new permanent addition to my already demanding workload. And so what we did was we finally brought it home. If the manager acknowledges that this is going to be a permanent situation and you've already established that your workload was already demanding beforehand, it will be harder not to acknowledge that they at least need to take a look at your salary. While this is no guarantee that this will land you a raise. This is a much better strategy than coming to your office and demanding a raise and throwing down the gauntlet and presenting them with an ultimatum.

Speaker 2:

All righty, my friends, we discussed a lot this month. I really hope that this episode provided you with some clarity on the kinds of things you should consider if you're contemplating leaving your current job and seeking career fulfillment elsewhere. Look, the decision to leave your job should not be done in haste or taken lightly. However, if you're experiencing any of the scenarios we've chatted about today, it may be time. If you have any questions you'd like to ask, feel free to reach out to me at myfriendinhr, at gmailcom. You can also follow me on Instagram, at myfriendin__hr, or under Jasani Courtney on LinkedIn. Thanks for listening, folks, and remember that your job is meant to support your life. Your life is not meant to support your job. Take care, my friends.

Speaker 1:

This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and should not be considered formal legal advice. Please note that the policies of your company and laws in your country may vary. Also, the views expressed by the host or his guests do not necessarily reflect the views of any other company or entity.

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